What if we were kind to ourselves?
Last Saturday was fun. Brunch with our men, wine and painting with my gf's. As we began painting, I immediately sensed my competitiveness kick in. I wanted to have the best painting, the best approach, and receive the best kudos. I became angry with myself as I began to realize I was there to enjoy, have fun, and be around my friends. Once I felt the anger, I began to let go a little and began to appreciate my focus on the task. I realized the competitiveness left, but the intensity remained. I wanted to paint the best picture still, in order to hang it in my home for the Fall season. I no longer wanted to be better than my girlfriends, but wanted better for myself, my home, and just simply... artistic growth. The initial anger I felt made me feel guilty about what it told me about my character. Oh how hard I was on myself for being "that kind of person."
After painting, as we walked back to the car, one of the ladies kept talking about how "disappointed" she was in herself over her painting; it “should have been better.” I jumped in, and asked if she'd say that to one of us with that same painting. Her response was , "No, of course not." My response, "Then why would you say that to yourself?" I began to hurt for her and then myself, realizing that I believe it's okay to mistreat and criticize myself, but not others. Thereby, telling myself, I don't matter. I further began to question what my example teaches my kids. My heart sank to think about what my kids have thought or said about themselves when they fell short of their own expectations. Ouch!!
Today I'm grateful for this experience so that I can realize the lesson that I needed to learn, causing me to grow. I'm grateful for my competitive streak that wants me to strive for excellence. I'm grateful that I'm learning to allow my emotions to be felt and flow through, as opposed to attempting to stop them in their tracks or allowing them to control me. By allowing them to be felt and to flow they move through the process, rolling in, through, and out. So think about what words your using to speak about yourself the next time your out with friends.
